but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
