you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
