Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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