I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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