So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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