Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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