not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
