Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
