It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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