ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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