ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
