when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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