i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize