You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
