omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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