I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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