my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
