Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
