I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize