we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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