you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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