My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
