If i come over, it means nothing
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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