the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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