I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
