Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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