cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
