Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
