We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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