i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
