Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
