call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
please don't ironically join a cult
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