My liver just broke up with me...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
