I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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