I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
