i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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