I hate all girls vehemently.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
