Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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