My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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