Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
