You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
