no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
