So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
