So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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