the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
