I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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