9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
