So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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