Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
