He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
