Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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