Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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