my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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