My first STD was from a foam party
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
