I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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