Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
