he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
