So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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