Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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