Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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