A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
