The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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