I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
