had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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