My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
